The Catch 22 of Child Custody!
Here is a quick fact about child custody and the court system. Pretty much common sense but sometimes overlooked. Everything you say in court is recorded, every affidavit, every argument in a motion, every exhibit submitted becomes part of the court record.
There are exceptions of course, juvenile proceedings, which are closed by law, and some cases can be sealed by judge’s order to protect various interests, privacy and or confidentiality.
Generally however, everything in your custody case is available for anyone to see. If for instance someone for whatever reason is interested in the sordid details between the two parties. It is a very simple thing to access these records (public).
Let’s say that you are getting separated, and can not agree on child custody. Both you and your ex want primary custody, or sole custody, and after let’s say 11 years of being together you just flat out hate each other. You want to raise your children with very little visitation by your ex.
11 years is a lot of time to accumulate ammunition. What should you tell the judge about your ex? Most first impulses will be. 10 years ago she left the children alone to go to the store to buy more alcohol and her sister was arrested for drugs 9 years ago so I don’t want the children around them and so on.
You could really lay it all out for the court, and for everyone else who will read your file. Including possibly your children someday. There are lawyers who do recommend a massive character assassination. After all if your ex actually did these things, then you might have legitimate concerns. The ability to parent, substance-abuse issues, destructive behavior. I believe that dredging up a lifetime of baggage does neither of the parties any good!
After 11 years of marriage, one parent may be really angry, and is going to bring up a lot of irrelevant, highly subjective, unproven, and embarrassing information in an attempt to demean the the other parent. That is a pretty crappy thing to do, and does not bode well for the kids or the custody case. Out of all the the garbage that the parent wants to talk about, the only thing that is relevant is what is in the best interest of the children!
It is far better to take the high road. Stick to the recent facts, and track statutory criteria used by every judge in every custody determination. What is in the best interest of the children? Who is able and willing to meet the children’s needs? Who can offer stability and safety? Who encourages a relationship between the children and the other parent?
Litigants who can answer the above questions with a good answer tend to win child custody. Lawyers who use such questions as guidelines in arguing their client’s cases tend to win as well. That is not to say that highlighting inappropriate conduct on the other party’s part is not sometimes necessary, or that it should never be done.
Be prudent in the mud you sling, sling it only if it is relevant to your child custody case, and only if it is crucial for the judge to know in making a decision!