Dear mom and dad, i know that you are hurting. i’m hurting, too. I feel and feed off your tension, fear and shock. Although I’m young and cannot express verbally what is happening in our lives, I’m still feeling the impact. My heart is broken every time I have to give up a parent. My sense of security is lost. Please don’t assume that I am resilient. Please don’t assume that my life will be exactly as it was and that I will continue to feel the same love from both of you. I am a human being just like you.
My needs are just like yours. I need love, attention, nurturing, stability, consistency, affection, understanding, patience and mostly to be wanted. When you fight over me or put me in the middle of your argument, you are sending me the message that winning with each other is more important than my life. I am learning from you that is better to be right than to be loved.
You are teaching me that i came from a person who is unlovable and wrong, and that I am somehow wrong, too. When you confide your hurt in my heart, you are storing up adult pain and robbing me of my childhood. You are taking away my belief that love is unconditional and replacing it with a message that tells me to become hard and not to love because I will get hurt and not be able to recover.
You may not understand this today, and i am so small that you are not thinking about my future, but you are putting me at a greater risk of getting a divorce myself. At times you are risking my safety to fill a void in your heart. My safety is your job. Without you and your protection I am unshielded from the world. This will manifest in irrational fears for me, because I will stay in a state of fight or flight for most of my life. Someday this initial shock will wear off, but how you choose to parent me through this crisis.
The Fathers Rights During a Divorce in AZ
Jurisdictionally, in arizona, there’s a statute state, that really. they don’t. they don’t differentiate between mother and father. If you are married and there are children that take place during that divorce, that those children are assumed to be yours unless there’s. That is a nofault state in Arizona. So if there are some indiscretions and you think that maybe your wife had been cheating on you and you want to do a DNA test, until you get that DNA test done, you are considered to be the father if she’s pregnant while in.
The middle of a divorce. the rights of a father during a divorce are the same as a mother. In Arizona, they have now split the areas of law into three, so you have a legal decision making, you have parenting time, you have child support. First, the most easy one to speak about is child support. Child support is very statutized, there’s a formula online that is based upon your income, the income of the other party, and the amount of each parenting time that each party gets. There are some other little.
Nuances to it, but really, you kinda plug the numbers in and what the number comes out to is what that party is gonna be responsible to pay, whether you’re the father or the mother in child support. So it doesn’t necessarily mean, guys, that you’re gonna stop paying child support, it’s possible that the mother would have to pay child support. So please don’t think that this is a mother’s right state or women first. Everybody, they look at them as equal parents in this proceeding. What will happen is they will spit that number.
In child support and what you’ll have to do is if you either. you either can agree to that number or you can ask for a deviation. If you wanna deviate up and pay more child support, the court usually is okay with that but they’re gonna make sure that it’s not done in lieu of some kind of some kind of foul play that you are conceiving other issues. But they’re okay usually allowing a person to pay more child support. If you want to deviate down, that’s when you really gonna have to kinda prove why it’s in the best interest.
Of child and or children and why the. and how the children would still be able to be taken care of if you did deviate down. It is possible to deviate down. It’s not that often, usually it’s done if the child support comes out rather equally. They’ll usually deviate down. The next one is parenting time. Parenting time is pretty much very selfexplanatory, in terms of how much time you are spending with your child. So you are. There is a presumption in Arizona that you get. That.
Is in the best interest of the child for there to be a split parenting time, where each parent was to receive 50/50 time. Now there are certain big ticket items that will then allow the court to start swaying it back and forth from 50/50. So, for example, if there has been a significant domestic violence, if there has been any kind of drug use, if there has been alcohol abuse. And when I’m talking about abuse, I’m not talking about watching a game and drinking a beer, or having a glass of wine. I’m talking about severe DUIs or any.
Kind of proven alcohol abuse. so don’t worry, guys, you can still enjoy your margaritas or whatever you choose to drink. But, it’s those things, whether you become a registered sex offender, real big ticket items that are gonna start to sway back and forth how the parenting time is going to be. Sometimes the parenting time will deviate a little bit. It might not look fair because of location of each parent. So father for some reason, you were to relocate or you’re across the valley; you might not get as much time during.
The week, but you might get more equal time during breaks and other things when the children do become of school age. So that is how parenting time works. he last one is legal decision making. Legal decision making is where you get to make the decision on big ticket items, like what school the children are gonna go to, what religion are they going to be, any kind of medical procedures that there gonna happen. There are really three levels of decision making. You have the presumption, again in Arizona,.