Hey guys, Dave Pisarra here with MensFamilylaw so we’re gonna talk about the situation where you have a child, you’re not married, so you’rejust boyfriend girlfriend, you’re probably on the birth certificate, but maybe you’renot, and she won’t let you see the kid. So here’s the deal. Mom has legal custody ofthe child and physical custody of the child because she’s the mom. She’s gonna be on thebirth certificate. If you’re on the birth certificate you have technically legal custodybut the question becomes what’s that really mean in terms of actual day to day operations.You’regonna have physical custody if mom is allowing you to see the baby, but the problem is whenmom wants to move and takes the kid with her
you don’t actually have a court order thatsays you have any time to actually see the child. The police are gonna look at it andsay mom’s supposed to be with the baby because the baby is still probably nursing. So ifyou’ve got that situation where you’re a daddy bu you’re not actually a court ordered dad,paying child support with a court order for visitation, you’re kinda left out in the coldwhen the kids are really young. So that’s the situation where you’re going to have tofile what’s called a paternity suit. Filing for paternity is a really easy thing we justfill out a couple of forms we get mom served, she’s got 30 days to file an answer, and thenwe can go forward and get a court order for
visitation, but that also means you’re probablygoing to have to pay child support, which if you’re a good dad you probably want topay anyways and like a lot of my clients you’re probably already paying the rent, buying diapers,putting in food, paying for the utilities and it’s possible that your child supportmight actually go down. So this can be a good thing for you from a financial standpointand it’s something that you definitely have to have if you want to make sure you haveyour rights to see your child. If you’ve got more questions, and you want to talk aboutit, please feel free to give me a call, check out the other tutorials, and read the blog, subscribeto our newsletter so you get the free Before
You Leave guide and listen, remember, a cheeseburgerand a chocolate shake will get you through just about everything. Take care man..
Voice of the Child of Divorce
Dear Mom and Dad, I know that you are hurting.I’m hurting, too. I feel and feed off your tension, fear and shock. Although I’m young and cannot express verbally what is happening in our lives, I’m still feeling the impact. My heart is broken every time I have to give up a parent. My sense of security is lost. Please don’t assume that I am resilient. Please don’t assume that my life will be exactly as it was and that I will continue to feel the same love from both of you. I am a human being just like you. My needs are just like yours. I need love, attention, nurturing, stability, consistency, affection, understanding, patience
and mostly to be wanted. When you fight over me or put me in the middle of your argument, you are sending me the message thatwinning with each other is more important than my life. I am learning from you thatis better to be right than to be loved. You are teaching me that I came from a personwho is unlovable and wrong, and that I am somehow wrong, too. When you confide your hurt in my heart, you are storing up adult pain and robbing me of my childhood. You are taking away my belief that love is unconditional
and replacing it with a message that tellsme to become hard and not to love because I will get hurt and not be able to recover. You may not understand this today, and I am so small that you are not thinking about my future, but you are putting me at a greater risk of getting a divorce myself. At times you are risking my safety to fill a void in your heart. My safety is your job. Without you and your protection I am unshielded from the world. This will manifest in irrational fears for me, because I will stay in a state of fight or flight for most of my life. Someday this initial shock will wear off, but how you choose to parent me through this crisis
will never wear off. I will either feel your sense of selflessness, support and protection, or I will have a scar on my heart with a message that reads, quot;Good things happen to good people.I must be bad.quot; Thoughtfully, The Child of Divorce.