Dear Mom and Dad, I know that you are hurting. I’m hurting, too. I feel and feed off your tension, fear and shock. Although I’m young and cannot express verbally what is happening in our lives, I’m still feeling the impact. My heart is broken every time I have to give up a parent. My sense of security is lost. Please don’t assume that I am resilient. Please don’t assume that my life will be exactly as it was and that I will continue to feel the same love from both of you. I am a human being just like you. My needs are just like yours. I need love, attention, nurturing, stability, consistency, affection, understanding, patience.
And mostly to be wanted. When you fight over me or put me in the middle of your argument, you are sending me the message that winning with each other is more important than my life. I am learning from you that is better to be right than to be loved. You are teaching me that I came from a person who is unlovable and wrong, and that I am somehow wrong, too. When you confide your hurt in my heart, you are storing up adult pain and robbing me of my childhood. You are taking away my belief that love is unconditional.
And replacing it with a message that tells me to become hard and not to love because I will get hurt and not be able to recover. You may not understand this today, and I am so small that you are not thinking about my future, but you are putting me at a greater risk of getting a divorce myself. At times you are risking my safety to fill a void in your heart. My safety is your job. Without you and your protection I am unshielded from the world. This will manifest in irrational fears for me, because I will stay in a state of fight or flight for most of my life. Someday this initial shock will wear off, but how you choose to parent me through this crisis.
Will never wear off. I will either feel your sense of selflessness, support and protection, or I will have a scar on my heart with a message that reads, quot;Good things happen to good people. I must be bad.quot; Thoughtfully, The Child of Divorce.
Wives and inLaws Thats Messed Up Nouman Ali Khan
Abdullah! Asalamualaikum How is it going, man? Al hamdu lillah How is work? Al hamdu llilah, work is good family? family is good How is your dad doing, man?.
Send my Salams to him, please! inshaAllah He is coming here next week he is? I look forward seeing him Oh wait! I’m not going to be here on Saturday. Oh man! where are you going? I’m going to Houston program, I’m guessing?.
Yeah, lots of programs are up nowadays What have you got going on? there are a few programs, and one of them actually the one that sticks in my head because the program went great, at the end of it this lady comes up to me, and says she needs to talk to me in private and I pull her to the side and.
She starts talking about her husband and it’s not the worst of what I’ve heard but it’s messed up enough she comes up and says : my husband is really religious, he prays five times a day he goes to the Masjid all the time, etc. but at the same time he forbids me from seeing my family.
He doesn’t like when I call them he doesn’t like when I go over so I almost secretely have to call my mom or check on them, so if I don’t tell him that I’m talking to my mom, am I being sinful or something? because you have to obey your husband he keeps telling me that men are in charge of women and you have to do what I say I’m the quot;Amirquot; of the household.
So according to Allah, and His Deen, according to the Sunnah, and according to the Sharia you have to obey me, and you’re under my household now so you can’t stay in communication with your, parents, or siblings, or whatever and on top of that he adds : I don’t want you to leave the house ever just stay home and until I take you don’t go anywhere so she is like: am I sinful for she got in trouble for going in the backyard one time.
So she is frustrated and her husband was there, but he was on a bathroom break or something so she figured she would slip in the question subhanaAllah I realized that a lot of times people do things in the name of Islam and they quote Quran, Sunnah, Sharia.